Gas, Money, and that little thing call BFFL!

I work at a Citgo gas station and may I say I love my job. Yeah I would rather hang myself then go to work, but it's worth it, Recently my boss has been off the hook with the whole " no money thing" and I'm always worried that i'll never have the money to see my Wife, My Lover, My best friend, my BFFl. :( It's an extremely depressing thought and I don't like it, and she always thinking I don't wanna come out when may I say when I go out there I can A. Sleep because I feel secure and safe other then at my house. At my house I keep thinking someone is going to come in and kill me or my mother. Or MY CAT DX. I hate those thoughts. Any way, she makes me feel normal but at other times i say that she Hates me but I know that's not true. She is one of the only people that helps me get through the hard nights when I talk to her. Sometimes just to feel bad about not texting her or caller her as much as I should, I send her something on her Face book or even a sweet text of hearts so when she gets up, she wakes up with my love surrounding her every though XD Ok, I'm being creepy and I know it. But Yeah. A little less sappiness, I love her and I hope she knows that. I do always wanna come and see her. I wish she would come out here more during the week, just to chill for a few hours. Since she now has a car and all, I guess in time I will get a car and go out there. IN fact OH! Did you all know she started college? God im so proud of her. :) She is growing up. I always thought I would be in college but long behold I'm always broke and working to get some things.

Sooner or later she will leave me behind. Her being all successful and me being the artist friend. But I'm alright with that. :) as long as she is happy, I'm happy.

Blue, Green, and Slight Disappointment.

Hello there, I was snooping and going over some of my old stuff that I had written over the years on Myspace and I'm going to say this... I hated everyone.... Well According to my blogs, and I was deeply in love with someone that was fucking with my feelings... I ended up writing a lot about him and it was a waste of time.. Any way, thinking about my life now I actually like where it's going. I'm getting my portfolio done. Conventions are getting kinda boring because I have to Avoid my ex and trying to figure out to chill with my Missouri friends while avoiding that one EVIL Missouri boy. I am thinking that it's better to be single because then I can do what ever I like and still not feel guilty about things. But at the same time I get lonely so I try and connect with someone. Which we did connect, His name is Osiris and he is AWESOMESAUSE! Teehee he lives in Joliet and he is beautiful. His eyes are what gets me. They are like this Blue Green color. I don't know... there is something about him that makes me breathless. The last time this happened it ended extremely bad. But then again the last one lived about 30 to 25 minutes away from me and never wanted to come by me and chill. This one lives 45 to an hour away from me and was nervous to meet me and chill with me. Also the last person that this feeling happened with he never talked to me on the phone. The second time we talked on facebook he gave me his number and I was like what the hell and I called him. I am taking the risk. I normally never take. I'm scared shittless and I'm awkward.

So ok this is what happened. He can around 2 and he showed up all smiles and his smile is like I don't know how to explain it but it's like BAM! ( that is as good as im going to describe it) and we hugged. His smell was well i'm not sure im a little indifferent about his scent right now. But that is a big factor in liking someone for me. Their natural scent. So we talked and his reaction to my room was a bit odd and he wouldn't look at me at first. I don't know if I should have taken that as a bad sign or a bad but I let it go. Later we had to pick up Quinn and other peeps from their first day of high school. We did and Talked for 20 minutes in front of the high school on a rock. That is when I noticed his eyes. OMG I died when he looked at me. Eyes are a very big thing with me. I like them when I can see everything and just feel engulfed in them. With him I wanted to look him in the eyes. Wanted him to see through me, any way we walked home then we saw Agatha and instantly I was like SHIT! Because she is much better looking them me and is much more confident. He is also a Boob guy and she has MUCH bigger tata's then me. So I was like OH FUCK! I knew I lost when he saw her. Insecurities suck but I love her I let it go and went on being my silly self. The whole group when back to my place and stayed there till anime club. I don't know who he was staring at since I was stupid and sat by her. She talked most of the time. We were by each other most of the time and where like AWESOME but I was like shit shit shit shit. But after he had to go I walked him to his car and was like, Ok, We hugged and he said we need to chill again which of course made me smile. Then he got in his car and drove away. Later I had texted him saying so you liked my friends huh? and he was like it was interesting. Anyway he added Her on facebook and of course I got jealious. but whatever if they get together hope they are happy. ** sigh ** Oh well. Time to get back to those damn dating sites. T.T

Night and Shooting Stars...Howling?

On Aug 12th there was suppose to be a like a zillion shooting stars. So Me, my mom and her friend went to the forest preserve. Alas we spent most off the time feeding Betty ( the deer that tried to kill me but ended up befriending me. I fed her Pork-grinds Any way then after a while Betty went back to her family and we started looking up at the stars... we saw about 12 to 13 shooting stars and me and my mom's friend sung the meatball song that they used to play on channel 11. I don't know how many people know that song but meh I don't care.

Any who after about 2 am there was something that sounded like a female scream. Long behold it was a fox. Soon the whole forest preserve sounded with the song of red foxes. Now I never knew how many foxes where in the forest preserve and by the sound of these howls it was like hundreds! The Night sounded a live and I shushed my company while we listened ( but I couldn't help but join in.) We ended up seeing the Fox that started it. Running while howling his furry tail was bobbing up and down so cute. XD But any way, by the end of the night my legs and thighs were covered in mosquito bites. Big ones too. DX but I had fun none the less. I wouldn't have done it any other way. ^_^

Raves Lights and False Love.

Here's the deal. Yesterday was a bummer when it came to one of my ex's. He's the recent one name's I rather not say but if you know me you know who im talking about.... I really do hate him in a way, but in another I envy, care, and love him. With him it was like it hit me like a truck. It was back at Acen 2008. I had my bright red hair short, and I was at a rave. The Soap Bubble, me dancing of course and that's when I saw him, dancing in the raves circle. The flashing lights hitting his shirtless body every which way, him and his white neko hat violent movements and flashing breaking moves. Loing behold I didn't know him even though I admired him.

I went in the circle to challenge him. We danced around each other, beautifully, each move I did he matched just with ease. I know he was just going to play with my feelings just like every other guy that I have dated... But I wanted to try.

So the rave ended and I hadn't seen him in about 2010 Reactor so I think that would be 3 years. Which is a long time. I always treasured the memory of that raving night since it took my mind of things, daydreaming is a sin. Any way I was there and he was as well. He had purple hair and he was as breathtaking as when I first met him. I knew who he was when he started dancing. I remembered his body. The way it moved and looked, but I still didn't know him and long behold he was with his friends...

During the gay little rave at this party con happened we challenged each other. I had gotten better and he said " I don't like it. " and I laughed and smiled. Then a little into the rave near the end I say him kiss some girl, one of his friends. my stomach dropped and I turned around and walked away. At the time I knew how disappointment felt and I went back to chilling with my friends with a smile. Soon after the convention I forgot about him and the kiss and went on with my life. A few months after he added me on facebook, I think it was around October because I remember something about this haunted house he worked at.

So we talked, and laughed and then we exchanged numbers. I helped him when I could and then I had a chance to see him. At his house when we were driving our friends home. SO I took it, looking back now I shouldn't have spent that much effort on it. But whatever I'm allowed to make mistakes right? Well when I got there we had been talking about how he needed a new collar, and I had mine on me so I took the red fur off and when I was standing in front of him. Looking up at him I placed it around his neck and smiled and giggled and he smiled back. I thought it was something more the it was. He gripped me and by the waste and pulled me in lighting kissing me. I smiled and play growled. he smiled back too.

We wrestled for a few minutes and he pinned me. He didn't expect me to flip him and was shocked. After my friends yelled at me that it was time to go I was hesitate to leave. He gripped me again with his nails crapping my back, I smiled and I returned his fun with ripping my nails a long his back. He shivered and smiled again. I ended up stealing his hat. Giggling all the way home from the ride. Hour or two home.

I'm going to skip a little bit in the story because I don't want to tell the side dates even though they are funny.

This was my birthday celebration, I was out by may dad's house and that is where he asked me out. It was over Facebook, I think that would have been my first clue in the whole relationship was going to be bullshit. But I kept on because I truely thought that I was going to be happy. I was sadly mistaken. Well we dated for only 2 weeks. We were sexual with each other, and he made the pain/bondage/aggressive side of me. Plus, he made a few points, and helped me with a couple of problems I had been having and I am much happier now. But there are things I wish i hadn't learned from him.

No guy is worth what I went threw. Even though it was a simple thing of boy liked me for my body, I still don't think any girl should go threw with it. If all he wanted was to be sexual he should have said so. Instead of lying and making false promises, and I wouldn't doubt he cheated on me. But I do know that I liked him a lot and this is just another problem in my dating life. I am learning not to trust guys. I know that's not fair but there are only 2 people that I have dated that I love. LOVE as in I LOVE THEM, and it's going to take a lot to get into some kind of relationship.

Well folks the reason I wrote about it is that person that this story is about was drunk and long behold made me feel like shit. And I had enough of it. So I cut him out of my life along with everyone else that was related to him in anyway. I deleted something I thought could work out as a friendship. Boy was I wrong.

My Hair.

In the end this is how my hair turned out. ^_^ ** sweat drop** kinda looks like my other cuts... but again I like it...

Thank you to Mrs.Brame for Cutting my hair. She was sooooo nice. ^_^ I loved her! So I gave her Sweetish Fish... 4 packages but Quinn Brame ate one pack sooooooo she only get's three ** laughs nerviously**

Any who here is the update...

Note: My boob in this picture looks soooooo much bigger then it actually is... it's funny

Hair Cut.... Hmmmm

<=== This is the Hair i would like to have... but sadly I like it a tad bit Punkier and since shaving some of my head is out because half of my friends would kill me if I actually get it done :/

This picture is Yes Pussycat Dolls Kimberly Wyatt. I love her... with her flexibility. ^_^

I'm also thinking about some color in my hair. Since my hair haz been all colors of the rainbow I really don't mind... But I wouldn't like staying blonde since yet again i have a weird complexion and look very.... Red if i do stay blonde >.< But it is tempting... just to see how it looks... you know?

Any Who.... I'll go into my hair colors later... I'll even post a few pictures of me if your lucky ;D

Anywho this concludes this Blog... Kinda... There will be another one soon enough... lol

Harry Potter 6 Half Blood Prince and Fireworks

MOVIES! Gotta love them.

Especally if you have a creepy obsession. Some people like Harry, some like Ron, Hermione or even Draco, nope my tastes are WWAAYYYY different... I go for Fenrir Greyback and Professor Snape. O.O I dont know something about them... maybe it's the fact that i like old people... or maybe just the fact that i like the evil demeanor. -sigh- I have always been rather strange.

Well any way thinking back on what some of my die hard Harry Potter Friends say that they didn't like the movie that much. Too much as changed. I will say this about it i did like it but they cut out a lot of scenes that i was looking forward to seeing. Also Narcissa ( I have no idea how to spell her name) looked ridiculous (haha 3rd movie). She is suppose to have platinum hair not brown and blonde... some say that it would have not made sense in real life to have her have all blond bec her sisters had red and brown hair... there are strange cases in red life that the three children all have different hair color... just depends on the pigment in the child's hair and the genes being past through it... and if anything you could have said OH! she bleached it.

Well New topic.

4th i had my bestie come out. awesome weekend with her and my mom, I also went back to the inner child and watched a disney movie... not an old one though, even though i am looking for Were Back. Don't know if anyone knows of it... >,< Anywho we watched the Princess and the Frog. Excellent and unique!

Well i'm done ranting for now... tootles!!

Laurell K Hamilton Marvel Laughing Corpse Vol. 3

HHAHAah I had found it!! i had been looking for it since the beginning of June... ^_^ I read it on the way home from mt besties house and OMG i love Lim and Booth!! ( I think that's the names)... >.< but they are awesome! It's like actually looking at some of the character right from my brain... but then again there are some characters that i would never have guessed would look like what they did... but they are good all the same... ^^

Im actually attempting to draw a few of the characters... Jean Claude, i haven't full gotten down some of the features are strange to me soooooo im working on it.... as for Anita I have gotten her down almost perfect... but since my genre of of drawing is more on the anime style she looks well anime/Marvel... ^_^

Black Lagoon

Imma be talking about the Anime Black Lagoon here.

It's is one of the best anime that i have seen. beside for Ergo Proxy and Let's see Get Backers. Well that's my opinion at least. Black Lagoon is all Gun, Chicks, Mafia, Army, Killing, child porn, bombings kiddnapping, and a little bit of romance from time to time....

Reevi, The sexxi female lead is a hardass that had a very hard childhood. She killed and ran for her life... But she met Dutch, big black guy that is also her employer at the Lagoon Company. She's a hot head and doesn't care for anything but money. lol kinda.

Rock, someone that got dragged into it at first as a hostage... then after getting shit again from his company and going through almost getting killed he changed and said basically FU to his employer and joined the Lagoon company.

Those are my two fave characters they are also the main characters of the show...

Reevi, is kinda my role model... she is a bad ass and we both had bad childhood, well i haven't killed anyone but the beatings were still there... I'm getting her guns as airsoft guns soon. I can't wait... Also the holster, WOO HOO.

anywho Rock i find him funny in a way to say the least. I would like to have his brains and language abilities... but im not that soft... i have more of an EDGE to me says someone that i will not name... ^^

Anywho the blogs continue on random thoughts and things i talk about... -sigh-

Lazy Days

Don't you love it when you wake up and you just wanna be plain lazy?? That's what happened today... Even though i have to work at 7 but that doesn't mean anything i have a few hours left of laziness. Like sitting in the bathtub at 3 pm eating a pint of Half Baked ice cream and talking to people... it's even better when mom needs advice and she sits on the toilet talking to me for an hour....

Then i go to the library to talk to my wife and hang with the coolies librarian ever!!

Google/Hauntings.

This is a double blogg >.<


Google frustrates me to the MAX!

It wouldn't let me sign in for the longest time... and it gave me trouble today as well... so i was messing with it for the first 30 of my time online... i do hate it so... OH WELL! I got on that is what matters.ANYWHO!!
I had just got these movies that showed on the discovery channel ( you might have seen them )

They made a movie out of one of them... Haunting in Connecticut it was the Documentary of the Haunting of the Child Paul that had Cancer and they had to move from New York to Conn bec the long 8 hour rides were taking there toll on the boy. The Movie was good but it didn't go by the actual story that was told in this Doc. But it was fascinating none the less.

The second haunting was strange and familiar to me. A Haunting in Georgia. A family had moved to Georgia ( i forgot the reason >.<) and the daughter started seeing the old care taker of the house that had died 10 years before she was born. ( shivers ) but this made me think about my own experiences... I know that people don't normally believe such things but ill telll you anyway.

When i was about 4 or 5 i lived in the Chicago area and i met this man. He stood by the slide and talked with me and played with me there. My mother would constantly say "Who are you talking to sweety " and i would respond " Jason " which in turn was not that strange to my mother seeing i was young and as many people would suspect had a invisible friend. After a few weeks of this happening he started to show up around my house. This had been so normal to me until I grew a little and started to understand what was happening. Since Jason had been able to move things and such i started to question it.

After telling my mother that he had been with me all this time and i could feel him pat me on the head and hold my hand she got worried but did nothing bec we were a family that had much money to spare. I grew more hitting middle school where i met my friend Big Sam Taras Aslyinn ( I dont know how to spell her name right ) and Tom. We were at Sam's house at the time doing what kids normally do and she had action figures bec this room was based mostly on anime shows. Bulma a Character from DBZ had been sitting on the shelf minding it's own buisness and Taras had said something. Now normally Jason never hurt anyone and he would just follow me around silent of added some of his two sense in which i ignored. So he ended up throwing the action figure off the shelf and right at TARAS!! Me and sam of course started laughing until Taras moved to get out of the room when the ps2 completely fleww off the tv into him. we stopped laughing. Jason had been pissed and i had no idea why.

After that incident i hadn't seen him in a while. It had been 4 years and i had become a sophomore in high school. That's when he came back. I was sleeping and i had been dreaming ( the dream slipped my mind but i know it was sexual ) and so i woke up in a cold sweat and found that there were hand marks on my hips that were 3 times bigger then mine... of course when i ran to tell my mother she didn't believe me bec they had disappeared. So Jason and me were back together in the sense of talking. His True appearance still unknown since he had changed it so often. Normally though he had Long black hair to mid-back redish brown eyes, a darker completion more italian then anything. and his face could have soft feature or hard depending on the topic we were talking about.

This discription i had somewhat used for Gabriel Calabria my Vampire in a story me and my friend wrote together. Anyway not to get off topic. Years went by and more and more people had been experiencing Jason. My Best Friend little sam i think got the worst of it.

She was spending the night one time and we had been up late like normal teenagers are and this was when i was a Jr. in high school. Someone had opened my door and since we didn't wast to make a fuss about being up so late we layed there quiet waiting for them to go back into the other room. Well Jason had walked in and picked up the covers and lifted them trying to cover us, but when i kicked my leg he dropped it suddenly and walked out. not even opening the door. i turned to sam " no one is home except for my mother." we got up turned the light on and looked into the dead quiet house that showed my mother sleepin on the couch and my brothers room completely empty. kitchen light was off.

We slept with the light on.

I think I'll end this blog for now. I'll tell you more about it another time. So much to this story and so much experiences. ^_^' Plus i think i'm boring you all to death.

Tootles for now.!

Bullet - Laurell K. Hamilton

OK, I just got done with the book today at work and all I can say is WOW. Laurell really out did herself this time.

I love how Asher was a complete bitch in this one. He got his way in the end and the Weretiger i think made his life HEAVEN in the end. But Sadly I didn't enjoy Haven dying. Yeah I know.. He was bad and made this UBER complicated, and he fully deserved it. (plus my bestie is a HUGE fan and makes me feel sad when she is... plus imma have to force her to read the book because after she saw a spoiler that he does die she asked and I comfirmed it... O.O.

Anywho, Richard and Asher together, even though they weren't ACTUALLY together it was still super **drool** hahahah


Other then that Anita, I love her to death but BLAh Too many men in her life... I don't mind though she is just >.> <.< >.> Human.... Kinda....

Well that's all I got...

What to say.... :/

Ok, I'll start off by saying that im not too good at writing and this is something to try and dicuss things with people. Anime, Books, Dancing, Feelings, or just random things that pop into my brain.... Hell even Dreams. ^_^

Well Hope you all enjoy the future bloggs. ^_^